Are You Listening?
Are you listening? Are you really listening?
We listen in so much of our lives and we listen in different ways. We listen to the sales assistant who is telling us terms and conditions. We listen to our mother who is giving us unwanted advice. We listen to our partner telling us they love us. We listen to our boss telling us what to do.
There are three levels of listening. Understanding a bit more about listening can help us form relationships and connect. This is useful with business clients, with managers, with interviewers, interviewees and in our personal lives.
Level 1 – Internal Listening
At level one our attention is on us. It's all about ME. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us.
At level 1 we are absorbing information. The primary question that comes to mind is “What does this mean to me?” The spotlight is on my thoughts, my judgements, my feelings and conclusions about others and myself.
Have you seen the BT advert where the mother complains her son is always on his mobile when he calls her? She has noticed that he has only part of his attention on his mother and the rest on what is happening around him.
Level 2 – Focused Listening
At level two our attention is on the other person. It's all about YOU, or all about the client. We are focused intently on the other person, perhaps leaning forward, or looking intently at the other person, with little awareness of the outside world.
At level 2 we listen for words, expression, emotion, what is said, how it is said and what is not said. We notice when the other person brightens, or looks animated or less animated. It is about an intense interest in the other person and their experience, our own experience forgotten. This listening is seen often in a mother with a new baby, good friends or two people who are falling in love. It is a level of empathy and creativity.
Level 3 – Global Listening
At level three we listen at 360 degrees. It's all about everything. This includes everything we can observe with all our senses – what we see, hear, smell and feel. This is a soft-focus listening that takes in everything. Global listening includes Level 1 and Level 2 listening. At level 3 we can hear your own thoughts, you are completely focused on the other person and you are aware of the atmosphere in the room or in the coaching.
At level 3 we are aware of the energy between you and others. We can detect sadness, lightness and any shifts in attitude. We are conscious of any underlying mood and tone of the conversation.
Why articulate the level 3? It can create greater awareness and sometimes shift the atmosphere. An example of this would be the phrase 'breaks the ice'. Literally the level 3 atomosphere can be icy. Someone drawing attention to this can make everyone laugh and then shift the level 3. This is sometimes seen at weddings where the vicar or registrar comments and the atmosphere lightens.
To develop further with this, start to notice when you are listening whether you are listening from level 1, 2 or 3.
Levels of listening is one of the skills taught on Striding Out professional coaching courses running shortly in London and Birmingham. To register your interest or to find out more, click here:
