Switch your radio frequency from AM to FM

It is argued that our reality, our outer world is in fact a reflection of our inner world, made up of our thoughts and beliefs. In other words, what we believe about ourselves internally, translates externally in the way we live our lives.

Think about our new Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. What do you think she believes about herself? I read somewhere that she told Prince William that he was lucky to have her. I bet she fully believes that she is worthy of being a future queen of England. And, so she will some day.

On the reverse, if we believe that we are stupid or unattractive we create a reality around that. “I can’t be in business because I’m not smart enough”, I can’t meet a partner because I’m unattractive”.  And guess what happens? You aren’t in business and you don’t meet a partner. 

So it makes sense that in order change our outer world we need to do some inner work to start that ripple of change spreading outwards.

The good news is that we can change our reality by distinguishing between the beliefs that limit us and those that empower us. Then we can choose the ones to live our lives from.

Its like tuning into a radio with an AM and FM frequency dial. The AM frequency is the “Against Me” frequency and the FM is the “For Me” frequency. 

Last summer I facilitated on a youth residential and unconsciously took on the AM (Against Me) belief that I was excluded “I am excluded” which made me quiet, reserved and withdrawn,  behaviour which reinforced this belief. We actually did this AM/FM exercise in a session with the kids and I changed my AM belief from “I am excluded” to the FM (For Me) belief “I am included”. Tuning into the FM frequency completely changed the way I behaved, I started to put myself out there and open up and guess what “I was included”. Sounds too simple but it really worked!

So think about a circumstance in your life where you are stuck. What are the things you often say to yourself, things that go round inside your head in a loop, which work against you?

See some examples below and look at some of your own AM messages and change them to FM messages and notice what happens to how you behave and how people treat you.

Against Me  (AM)                             For Me  (FM)

I am quiet                               to        I am thoughtful

I am bossy                             to        I am assertive                       

I am angry                             to         I am passionate

Its like in mindfulness meditation, the attention you bring is like food. If you bring your attention to anxiety that’s what gets fed, if you bring your attention to generosity that’s what gets fed.  It’s the same as the frequency you choose to tune into. It’s your choice – the AM or the FM dial?

In a mentoring or coaching relationship, it’s the mentor’s/coach’s job to create this awareness of choice in the mentee. It is the mentor/coach’s role to point out when they are tuning into the AM dial and accepting the status quo.  Then with this new awareness the coach/mentor can work with the mentee to create new strategies and habits based on beliefs that work for them.

If you work with or are looking to work with young people and want to learn mentoring and coaching skills. Then sign up to our mentoring skills training course running in November 2011.

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Written By Fiona Biggins (Certified Professional Coach)